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\r\nEvery week, I’ll be sharing a new grudge that’s not in my book — sometimes mine, sometimes someone else’s (with their permission, obviously!) There are plenty of new grudges born every minute – send yours to grudgescanbegood@gmail.com if you would like to share it and have it analysed!<\/p>\r[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ padding_bottom=”30px” padding_left=”40px” padding_right=”40px” padding_top=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/sophiehannah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/big-cactus-trans-25-1.svg” _builder_version=”3.17.2″ max_width=”98%” max_width_tablet=”68%” max_width_phone=”60%” max_width_last_edited=”on|phone” custom_padding_tablet=”||30px|” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone”]
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This week, I\u2019m sharing my views about a fascinating grudge situation, which was presented to me as follows (though I\u2019ve paraphrased it):This week, I\u2019m sharing my views about a fascinating grudge situation, which was presented to me as follows (though I\u2019ve paraphrased it):<\/p>\n
\u2018Recently, my partner and I bumped into my old friend Kath whom I hadn\u2019t seen for more than five years, and her new husband Steven, whom I\u2019d never met before. It was lovely to run into Kath, and we immediately invited the two them round for dinner. They accepted, and, three weeks later, they came round bearing flowers and a bottle of wine.<\/p>\n
The evening started really well, but then Steven just kept drinking more and more wine, and when we ran out, he made it clear he wanted still more, which my partner felt he had to go out to an off-licence to buy. Steven drank a phenomenal amount, and as he got drunker and drunker, his behaviour grew more obnoxious. He didn\u2019t insult anyone or do anything officially bad \u2014 he just kind of rolled around and slurred his words and generally made a drunken and embarrassing exhibition of himself. As a result, the rest of us couldn\u2019t really chat properly after a certain point \u2014 his inebriated state dominated the night.<\/p>\n
Weirdly, Kath was kind of laughing along with him, as if she didn\u2019t think he was behaving terribly. Now, I don\u2019t know Steven from a bar of soap so I don\u2019t have a grudge about him because he\u2019s not really anything to me, but I expected Kath to ring or email me the next day and say, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry about the way Steven behaved\u201d, and\u2026she didn\u2019t. She never said anything along those lines, so I can only assume she isn\u2019t sorry and thinks Steven\u2019s behaviour at my house was totally okay.<\/p>\n
I have a question: is it unfair of me to hold a grudge because Kath failed to disapprove of him and apologise for him? I mean, just because she\u2019s married to him doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s her job to apologise for his behaviour. Strictly speaking, shouldn\u2019t my grudge be against Steven or nobody? Is it even a little sexist of me to expect a wife to take responsibility for her husband\u2019s boorish behaviour?\u2019<\/p>\n
Sophie says: <\/strong><\/p>\n I think Steven\u2019s behaviour is grudgeworthy, even though you and he don\u2019t know one another hardly at all. I don\u2019t think I\u2019d invite him round to my house again if I were you, and a grudge about him specifically might remind you not to let him ruin another of your evenings.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t think sexism comes into it. In relation to your grudge about Kath, the key point is that she was the linking person \u2014 without her link to Steven and her link to you, Steven wouldn\u2019t have been in your house that night.\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing you\u2019d have your grudge about Kath whether it was her husband, mother or sister she\u2019d brought into your house, allowed to behave badly and then failed to apologise for \u2014 wouldn\u2019t you? If your answer is \u201cyes\u201d, then sexism is a red herring and nothing to do with this situation.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t believe any of us have a duty to apologise for other people\u2019s bad behaviour, but Kath could have rung you the next day and said, \u2018I just want you to know that I\u2019ve told Steven he was out of order last night.\u2019 \u00a0That she didn\u2019t do so suggests to me one of two things: either she has no idea that to get obnoxiously drunk when you\u2019re someone else\u2019s guest is not okay, or else she does know it\u2019s not okay but is choosing to apply different rules to her husband.<\/p>\n Either way, she evidently doesn\u2019t have a clue what might or might not ruin your evening in your house, so I\u2019d say you need a protective grudge about Kath to stop you allowing Steven to ruin any more of your evenings. There\u2019s always the option of telling her that you were annoyed or upset by Steven\u2019s behaviour and her response to it, and this is what many people would suggest you should do if you care about your relationship with Kath. Personally, I wouldn\u2019t advise it. I think she\u2019d stick up for Steven and there might then be open conflict.<\/p>\n What I would do is always arrange to see Kath and Steven in a restaurant from now on \u2014 that way you can enjoy their company for as long as it\u2019s enjoyable, and then leave if Steven drinks too much and gets too annoying. If this happens regularly, it\u2019s possible that both Kath and Steven are in denial about him having a serious drinking problem, and that might be something you\u2019d want to raise at some point if you think he\u2019s in danger of serious addiction or health-damage.<\/p>\n[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/sophiehannah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/big-cactus-trans-25-1.svg” _builder_version=”3.15″ max_width=”16%” module_alignment=”right”] \r\n <\/p>\r[\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.15″] \r\nDiscover Sophie’s Grudge Type classification system in HOW TO HOLD A GRUDGE – available from all good book retailers now!<\/p>\r[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row custom_padding=”50px||” _builder_version=”3.17.2″ global_module=”2151″ saved_tabs=”all”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.17.2″ header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”|700|||||||” header_2_text_align=”center” header_2_font_size=”40px”] \r\n\u201c<\/strong><\/em>About devastating historical events and atrocities, we often say, \u2018Never forget\u2019. Why? Is it that we want to extend the suffering for as long as possible? No, of course not \u2014 it\u2019s because we know that history (the horrible bits of it especially) contains useful lessons and warnings that we would be fools to ignore.<\/p>\r\n Yet about upsetting personal incidents, we often hear people say, \u2018Don\u2019t hold a grudge. Move on, for your own sake.\u2019 Every time we say this, we are effectively asking someone to forget the important warnings and lessons from their own life history.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\r[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/sophiehannah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/flat-cactus-27.svg” _builder_version=”3.17.2″ max_width=”14%” module_alignment=”right”] \r\n <\/p>\r[\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_signup mailchimp_list=”Divi Builder MailChimp|a80367e04a” title=”To make sure you hear all Sophie’s book news first, enter your email address here to join her mailing list:” button_text=”JOIN” form_field_background_color=”#ffdab5″ form_field_text_color=”#c4c4c4″ focus_text_color=”#000000″ disabled_on=”off|off|off” _builder_version=”3.16″ header_font=”||||||||” header_text_color=”#000000″ header_font_size=”24″ body_text_color=”#000000″ background_color=”#fcc57e” custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#ffffff” button_bg_color=”#fe0000″ border_style=”solid” focus_border_color=”#ffffff” button_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_size__hover=”null” button_one_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_size__hover=”null” button_two_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_size__hover=”null” button_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_color__hover=”null” button_one_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_color__hover=”null” button_two_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_color__hover=”null” button_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_width__hover=”null” button_one_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_width__hover=”null” button_two_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_width__hover=”null” button_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_color__hover=”null” button_one_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_color__hover=”null” button_two_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_color__hover=”null” button_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_radius__hover=”null” button_one_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_radius__hover=”null” button_two_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_radius__hover=”null” button_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_letter_spacing__hover=”null” button_one_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_letter_spacing__hover=”null” button_two_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_letter_spacing__hover=”null” button_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_bg_color__hover=”null” button_one_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_bg_color__hover=”null” button_two_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_bg_color__hover=”null”][\/et_pb_signup][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" GRUDGE OF THE WEEK #7 Every week, I’ll be sharing a new grudge that’s not in my book — sometimes mine, sometimes someone else’s (with their permission, obviously!) There are plenty of new grudges born every minute – send yours to grudgescanbegood@gmail.com if you would like to share it and have it analysed! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2203,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2202","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-to-hold-a-grudge"],"yoast_head":"\nOTHER GRUDGE GOODIES<\/h2>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code _builder_version=”3.17.6″][ess_grid alias=”grudge”][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” _builder_version=”3.15″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”rgba(252,168,58,0.7)” background_color_gradient_end=”#edf1c4″ custom_margin_tablet=”0px|||” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||”][et_pb_row background_color_1=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” padding_top_1=”19px” padding_right_1=”2px” padding_bottom_1=”2px” _builder_version=”3.15″][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ padding_bottom=”2px” padding_right=”2px” padding_top=”19px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.15″ text_font=”|600|on||||||” text_text_color=”#eb5e26″ custom_margin=”||0px|” custom_padding=”|40px|0px|40px|false|true”]