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\r\nEvery week, I’ll be sharing a new grudge that’s not in my book — sometimes mine, sometimes someone else’s (with their permission, obviously!) There are plenty of new grudges born every minute – send yours to grudgescanbegood@gmail.com if you would like to share it and have it analysed!<\/p>\r\n\r\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/sophiehannah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/big-cactus-trans-25-1.svg” _builder_version=”3.17.2″ max_width=”98%” max_width_tablet=”68%” max_width_phone=”60%” max_width_last_edited=”on|phone” custom_padding_tablet=”||30px|” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone”]\r\n\r\n
\r\n <\/p>\r\n\r\n[\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.15″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#edf1c4″ background_color_gradient_end=”rgba(252,168,58,0.7)” prev_background_color=”#ffffff” next_background_color=”#ffffff”][et_pb_row background_color_2=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” padding_top_bottom_link_2=”true” padding_left_right_link_2=”true” padding_top_2=”30px” padding_right_2=”40px” padding_bottom_2=”30px” padding_left_2=”40px” _builder_version=”3.15″][et_pb_column type=”1_4″][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/sophiehannah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/How-to-hold-a-grudge.gif” _builder_version=”3.17.2″]\r\n\r\n
\r\n <\/p>\r\n\r\n[\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”3_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_2_font=”|700|||||||” header_2_font_size=”46px”]\r\n\r\n
<\/p>\r\n
I was asked to comment on this grudgey situation, which I have paraphrased:<\/p>\r\n
\u2018The other day, a friend was round at my house when I was sorting out my recycling. I was putting empty cans and glass bottles in the recycling bin, and then I picked up a pile of books and put them in too. They were books I had either read and didn\u2019t want any more, or they were books I knew I was never going to read. They’re made of paper, so I thought the recycling bin was the right place for them. But my friend protested loudly, saying, \u201cYou can\u2019t put books in the recycling!\u201d<\/p>\r\n
\u201cWhy not?\u201d I asked. \u201cThey\u2019re paper.\u201d \u201cCome on, it\u2019s terrible,\u201d she said. \u201cIt\u2019s just mean. You could give them to a charity shop instead.\u201d<\/p>\r\n
I was upset by her saying this, so I changed the subject. I carried on putting the books I didn\u2019t want in the recycling bin and she didn\u2019t say anything else. Is it wrong of me to have a grudge against her for calling me mean and saying I was doing a terrible thing? I don\u2019t have time to take books I don\u2019t want to charity shops, and she knows this perfectly well.\u2019<\/p>\r\n
Sophie says:<\/strong> Your friend cares about books and about doing the right thing, which is admirable. I have no doubt that she meant well and probably didn\u2019t know how harsh her \u2018mean\u2019 and \u2018terrible\u2019 sounded to your ears.<\/p>\r\n However, I would agree that this incident is grudgeworthy. There are situations when we need to tell our friends that they\u2019re doing something morally wrong or seriously unwise, but this isn\u2019t one of them. They\u2019re your books and you can do whatever you want with them. You weren\u2019t burning them viciously or nailing them to spikes of shame in your front garden; you simply had no further use for them, so you were trying to dispose of them responsibly. Nor was it the case \u00a0(I \u00a0assume?) that any of these volumes was the sole remaining copy in existence; each one presumably lives on in bookshops, libraries and on the shelves of others. If I were the author of one of those books that went into your recycling, I wouldn\u2019t mind one bit.<\/p>\r\n The key point, for me, is that your friend could have said, \u2018Hey, can I have those books if you don\u2019t want them?\u2019 and then taken them to a charity shop herself if she felt so strongly about it and had the time to spare. Clearly \u00a0she didn\u2019t \u00a0care enough about these particular copies to \u2018save\u2019 them, as she could so easily have done.<\/p>\r\n One shouldn\u2019t use words like \u2018terrible\u2019 and \u2018mean\u2019 against other people lightly. Those kinds of words, when used against us, are hard to forget. Indeed, even when they might be accurate descriptors of our actions, one almost never improves a situation by using them. No one is motivated to be a better person by being told how awful they are.<\/p>\r\n\r\n[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/sophiehannah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/big-cactus-trans-25-1.svg” _builder_version=”3.15″ max_width=”16%” module_alignment=”right”]\r\n\r\n \r\n <\/p>\r\n\r\n[\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.15″]\r\n\r\n \r\nDiscover Sophie’s Grudge Type classification system in HOW TO HOLD A GRUDGE – available from all good book retailers now!<\/p>\r\n\r\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row custom_padding=”50px||” _builder_version=”3.17.2″ saved_tabs=”all” global_module=”2151″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text global_parent=”2151″ _builder_version=”3.17.2″ header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”|700|||||||” header_2_text_align=”center” header_2_font_size=”40px”]\r\n\r\n<\/p>\r\n \r\n\r\n[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code global_parent=”2151″][ess_grid alias=”grudge”][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” _builder_version=”3.15″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”rgba(252,168,58,0.7)” background_color_gradient_end=”#edf1c4″ custom_margin_tablet=”0px|||” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” prev_background_color=”#ffffff”][et_pb_row background_color_1=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” padding_top_1=”19px” padding_right_1=”2px” padding_bottom_1=”2px” _builder_version=”3.15″][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.15″ text_font=”|600|on||||||” text_text_color=”#eb5e26″ custom_margin=”||0px|” custom_padding=”|40px|0px|40px|false|true”]\r\n\r\n \r\n\u201c<\/strong><\/em>About devastating historical events and atrocities, we often say, \u2018Never forget\u2019. Why? Is it that we want to extend the suffering for as long as possible? No, of course not \u2014 it\u2019s because we know that history (the horrible bits of it especially) contains useful lessons and warnings that we would be fools to ignore.<\/p>\r\n Yet about upsetting personal incidents, we often hear people say, \u2018Don\u2019t hold a grudge. Move on, for your own sake.\u2019 Every time we say this, we are effectively asking someone to forget the important warnings and lessons from their own life history.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/sophiehannah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/flat-cactus-27.svg” _builder_version=”3.17.2″ max_width=”14%” module_alignment=”right”]\r\n\r\n \r\n <\/p>\r\n\r\n[\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_signup aweber_list=”|none” mailchimp_list=”Divi Builder MailChimp|a80367e04a” title=”To make sure you hear all Sophie’s book news first, enter your email address here to join her mailing list:” button_text=”JOIN” form_field_background_color=”#ffdab5″ form_field_text_color=”#c4c4c4″ focus_text_color=”#000000″ disabled_on=”off|off|off” _builder_version=”3.16″ header_font=”||||||||” header_text_color=”#000000″ header_font_size=”24″ body_text_color=”#000000″ background_color=”#fcc57e” custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#ffffff” button_bg_color=”#fe0000″ border_style=”solid” focus_border_color=”#ffffff” button_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_size__hover=”null” button_one_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_size__hover=”null” button_two_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_size__hover=”null” button_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_color__hover=”null” button_one_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_color__hover=”null” button_two_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_color__hover=”null” button_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_width__hover=”null” button_one_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_width__hover=”null” button_two_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_width__hover=”null” button_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_color__hover=”null” button_one_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_color__hover=”null” button_two_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_color__hover=”null” button_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_radius__hover=”null” button_one_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_radius__hover=”null” button_two_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_radius__hover=”null” button_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_letter_spacing__hover=”null” button_one_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_letter_spacing__hover=”null” button_two_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_letter_spacing__hover=”null” button_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_bg_color__hover=”null” button_one_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_bg_color__hover=”null” button_two_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_bg_color__hover=”null” \/][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" GRUDGE OF THE WEEK #5 Every week, I’ll be sharing a new grudge that’s not in my book — sometimes mine, sometimes someone else’s (with their permission, obviously!) There are plenty of new grudges born every minute – send yours to grudgescanbegood@gmail.com if you would like to share it and have it analysed! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2181,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2177","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-to-hold-a-grudge"],"yoast_head":"\nOTHER GRUDGE GOODIES<\/h2>\r\n