[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.15″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”rgba(252,168,58,0.7)” background_color_gradient_end=”#edf1c4″ custom_padding=”40px|0px|0|0px|false|false”][et_pb_row use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ make_equal=”on” background_color_1=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” background_color_2=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” padding_top_bottom_link_1=”true” padding_top_bottom_link_2=”true” padding_left_right_link_1=”true” padding_left_right_link_2=”true” padding_top_1=”30px” padding_top_2=”30px” padding_right_1=”40px” padding_right_2=”40px” padding_bottom_1=”30px” padding_bottom_2=”30px” padding_left_1=”40px” padding_left_2=”40px” _builder_version=”3.15″][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ padding_bottom=”30px” padding_left=”40px” padding_right=”40px” padding_top=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.17.2″ header_font_size=”45px” header_2_font_size=”46px”]<\/p>\n
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\n[\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.17.2″ header_4_font=”|700|||||||” header_4_text_color=”#000000″ header_4_font_size=”31px”]Every week, I’ll be sharing a new grudge that’s not in my book — sometimes mine, sometimes someone else’s (with their permission, obviously!) There are plenty of new grudges born every minute – send yours to grudgescanbegood@gmail.com if you would like to share it and have it analysed!
\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ padding_bottom=”30px” padding_left=”40px” padding_right=”40px” padding_top=”30px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/sophiehannah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/big-cactus-trans-25-1.svg” _builder_version=”3.17.2″ max_width=”98%” max_width_tablet=”68%” max_width_phone=”60%” max_width_last_edited=”on|phone” custom_padding_tablet=”||30px|” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone”]
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\u00a0<\/span>Last week I created a new grudge type: the Misunderstanding of the Main Role of a Hotel<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0Grudge<\/a><\/strong>. This week, I\u2019ve got another new variety of grudge that I\u2019d like to introduce: The Insulting\/Patronising\/Infantilising Attempted Tactfulness Grudge. This is when someone says to you, sotto voce <\/i>and eyes lowered, \u2018So, we\u2019ve had a little bit of feedback. Do you think maybe you might want to change X to Y?\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n To which, if you\u2019re anything like me, you might reply, \u2018Hang on. What was the feedback? And who was it from? Does someone want <\/i>me to change X to Y?\u2019<\/p>\n At this point, one\u2019s interlocutor could limit the extent of one\u2019s Insulting\/Patronising\/Infantilising Attempted Tactfulness Grudge by saying, \u2018Yeah, actually. Duncan doesn\u2019t think X works and he\u2019d much prefer Y.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Instead, the person attempting to be diplomatic usually makes it worse by trying to be even more tactful and indirect: \u2018I think there might have been a general sense that people would prefer it if Y replaced X, or at least that was the impression I hear that someone got, unless I misunderstood \u2014 and obviously it\u2019s completely up to you.\u2019<\/p>\n Might have been, or definitely was? Who got that impression? And from whom? Which people? Did one of the forty-seven people involved say straight out that she\u2019d prefer Y, or did thirty-two people silently exude a sort of Y-preferring aura? It would be really, really useful to know.<\/p>\n No one ever feels better if they know their responses and feelings are\u00a0 <\/span>being managed or manipulated. On the contrary: they feel as\u00a0 <\/span>if they\u2019re being treated like a toddler who\u2019s liable to have a tantrum at the first sign of a challenge. Tact (of the useful sort) would be saying, \u2018Duncan doesn\u2019t think X works and would prefer Y\u2019 instead of \u2018Duncan thinks X is a pile of shit, and he\u2019d like Y, assuming you\u2019re not too braindead to do Y.\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I think this variety of grudge should probably be called a \u2018Misunderstanding of Tact\u2019 grudge. Someone told me they had the impression that the name I gave it in paragraph one might have been perceived as a bit long and ungainly by some people but maybe not and it\u2019s completely up to me and who, in any case, can be sure? [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_code _builder_version=”3.17.2″][ess_grid alias="grudge"][\/et_pb_code][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” _builder_version=”3.15″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”rgba(252,168,58,0.7)” background_color_gradient_end=”#edf1c4″ custom_margin_tablet=”0px|||” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||”][et_pb_row background_color_1=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” padding_top_1=”19px” padding_right_1=”2px” padding_bottom_1=”2px” _builder_version=”3.15″][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ padding_bottom=”2px” padding_right=”2px” padding_top=”19px” background_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.4)” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.15″ text_font=”|600|on||||||” text_text_color=”#eb5e26″ custom_margin=”||0px|” custom_padding=”|40px|0px|40px|false|true”]\u201c<\/strong><\/em>About devastating historical events and atrocities, we often say, \u2018Never forget\u2019. Why? Is it that we want to extend the suffering for as long as possible? No, of course not \u2014 it\u2019s because we know that history (the horrible bits of it especially) contains useful lessons and warnings that we would be fools to ignore.<\/p>\n Yet about upsetting personal incidents, we often hear people say, \u2018Don\u2019t hold a grudge. Move on, for your own sake.\u2019 Every time we say this, we are effectively asking someone to forget the important warnings and lessons from their own life history.\u201d<\/strong><\/em> GRUDGE OF THE WEEK #3 Every week, I’ll be sharing a new grudge that’s not in my book — sometimes mine, sometimes someone else’s (with their permission, obviously!) There are plenty of new grudges born every minute – send yours to grudgescanbegood@gmail.com if you would like to share it and have it analysed! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2108,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2106","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-to-hold-a-grudge"],"yoast_head":"\n
\n[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/sophiehannah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/big-cactus-trans-25-1.svg” _builder_version=”3.15″ max_width=”16%” module_alignment=”right”]
\n[\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.15″]Discover Sophie’s Grudge Type classification system in HOW TO HOLD A GRUDGE – available from all good book retailers now!
\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.17.2″ global_module=”2151″ saved_tabs=”all” custom_padding=”50px||”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_text header_2_font_size=”40px” _builder_version=”3.17.2″ header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”|700|||||||” header_2_text_align=”center”]<\/p>\nOTHER GRUDGE GOODIES<\/h2>\n
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